Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Thought
Perhaps a human’s short stint in existence is meant as some sort of ancient cosmic joke. An immortal beings idea of sadistic fun; watching intelligent beings blink out of existence in what must seem but a moment to those beings of ever long. Perhaps our short journey is all our fragile minds can comprehend before becoming addled and broken. And yet, perhaps our journey through existence is meant to awaken our souls from the endless slumber of pre-creation; a journey meant to ignite our senses and free our spirits from imprisonment ever lasting.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
What are we doing?
I was ambulating through Office Depot last night as I shopped for pens, paper, and pleasantry, and I observed a son arguing with his mother over why he needed a particular expensive backpack and not the one she was suggesting.
My first thought was of reminiscence of my own maternal arguments. My second thought was of pure insanity, however, and I did all I could to not laugh. Here standing before me with only a scant 50 or 60 years left was this overweight child arguing about a material thing that he would most likely throw out in a few years and forget about by the time he reached 11th grade.
Office Depot really put things in perspective.
Material goods seem to define modern societies status. The man capable of performing beautiful arias with a single instrument is set to the gutter in favor of the much less talented nabob with a large house and an over priced car that screams 'look at me.' Much the same way as the overweight adolescent believes that the expensive backpack will make him more acceptable to his society; when in fact, he was outcast the moment he was born to a lower class with less money.
In the midst of all this material goods talk, I realize something that is just utterly ridiculous in its concept but holds true for every example I put to it. Society hasn't changed at all. From the filth ridden streets of feudal Europe to the modern high-rise expanse of the Big Apple, a person's place in this world is purely based on their material status and that has been translated to the belief that acquired goods will raise a person's status and then finally, amidst the cultural and industrial revolution of the modern era, crass consumerism.
Happiness is another problem that faces today's society. Happiness has been linked to material wealth. A child's belief that an Xbox360 will make them happy is a false one. Throughout the child's life, he or she has been trained surreptitiously from family, friends, neighbors, TV personalities, movies, et cetera, that the newest gaming platform or the newest clothes will make him or her happy or will bestow more attention upon him or her through the adoration of those around him or her and that attention will make him or her happier, because being cool and loved by society is vitally important for happiness, right? Wrong. The Xbox360 might bring adoration and friends down upon that young child, but its the fleeting superficial kind; and when the newest Halo game comes out and that child doesn't have it, but another kid does, that child is suddenly going to find him or herself alone with their Xbox360 and three friendless controllers lying on his bedroom floor. That is, until they buy the newest Gears of War game and that kid with the Halo game will have three friendless controllers lying on their floor, and the consumer cycle continues because happiness is just a purchase away.
So, lets throw away all our clothes and our material offal and run naked through the trees spreading peace and love throughout the land. No, I intensly dislike hippies. Material goods do bring some measure of happiness, but its the kind of happiness that comes from the experience gained with their use. Buying a large TV isn't a bad thing, but the TV itself isn't happiness; happiness is from those sitting around you and the fact that you don't have to sit in each other's lap in order to see a little tiny screen. The Xbox360 isn't happiness either, but rather who is sitting around you playing with you.
This is hard thing to remember in today's society, where the swipe of a card can bring frisson so intense, that people can spend a whole day doing it. But, like drugs, the high only lasts so long and soon your back swiping again and again and again, until your life becomes an endless cycle of earn and spend and you are left with a pile of junk and no time or money to enjoy any of it.
So, what exactly has Office Depot taught me? Material goods are a false idol of happiness and societies happiness is a drug that must be purchased day in and day out. Makes me look back on my life and really realize what a waste of time and money most of it was.
My first thought was of reminiscence of my own maternal arguments. My second thought was of pure insanity, however, and I did all I could to not laugh. Here standing before me with only a scant 50 or 60 years left was this overweight child arguing about a material thing that he would most likely throw out in a few years and forget about by the time he reached 11th grade.
Office Depot really put things in perspective.
Material goods seem to define modern societies status. The man capable of performing beautiful arias with a single instrument is set to the gutter in favor of the much less talented nabob with a large house and an over priced car that screams 'look at me.' Much the same way as the overweight adolescent believes that the expensive backpack will make him more acceptable to his society; when in fact, he was outcast the moment he was born to a lower class with less money.
In the midst of all this material goods talk, I realize something that is just utterly ridiculous in its concept but holds true for every example I put to it. Society hasn't changed at all. From the filth ridden streets of feudal Europe to the modern high-rise expanse of the Big Apple, a person's place in this world is purely based on their material status and that has been translated to the belief that acquired goods will raise a person's status and then finally, amidst the cultural and industrial revolution of the modern era, crass consumerism.
Happiness is another problem that faces today's society. Happiness has been linked to material wealth. A child's belief that an Xbox360 will make them happy is a false one. Throughout the child's life, he or she has been trained surreptitiously from family, friends, neighbors, TV personalities, movies, et cetera, that the newest gaming platform or the newest clothes will make him or her happy or will bestow more attention upon him or her through the adoration of those around him or her and that attention will make him or her happier, because being cool and loved by society is vitally important for happiness, right? Wrong. The Xbox360 might bring adoration and friends down upon that young child, but its the fleeting superficial kind; and when the newest Halo game comes out and that child doesn't have it, but another kid does, that child is suddenly going to find him or herself alone with their Xbox360 and three friendless controllers lying on his bedroom floor. That is, until they buy the newest Gears of War game and that kid with the Halo game will have three friendless controllers lying on their floor, and the consumer cycle continues because happiness is just a purchase away.
So, lets throw away all our clothes and our material offal and run naked through the trees spreading peace and love throughout the land. No, I intensly dislike hippies. Material goods do bring some measure of happiness, but its the kind of happiness that comes from the experience gained with their use. Buying a large TV isn't a bad thing, but the TV itself isn't happiness; happiness is from those sitting around you and the fact that you don't have to sit in each other's lap in order to see a little tiny screen. The Xbox360 isn't happiness either, but rather who is sitting around you playing with you.
This is hard thing to remember in today's society, where the swipe of a card can bring frisson so intense, that people can spend a whole day doing it. But, like drugs, the high only lasts so long and soon your back swiping again and again and again, until your life becomes an endless cycle of earn and spend and you are left with a pile of junk and no time or money to enjoy any of it.
So, what exactly has Office Depot taught me? Material goods are a false idol of happiness and societies happiness is a drug that must be purchased day in and day out. Makes me look back on my life and really realize what a waste of time and money most of it was.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
If...
If your friend is sitting silently off to the side, and he hasn't said anything all night; he's probably uncomfortable with the situation and, if you were any kind of friend to your friend, you would rectify the situation.
If your friend looks uncomfortable as you eat your girlfriend's face, courtesy would call for a halt to any further PDA.
If someone has their blinker on, they are most likely looking to get into the next lane over. Be courteous; accommodate them.
If you see an elderly man using a walker and about to cross the threshold into a store, don't push past him and shut the door in his face.
If you come out of a store and find your front tire slashed on your asshole red 4ft lifted Ford truck, it was probably the old man.
If God created the earth in 7 days, maybe it's because he's had a universe of practice before hand.
If we are searching for another earth, but every possible planet we find just isn't quite right, maybe were looking at practice planets.
If God created Lucifer, he probably did so purposely to give himself and his creations purpose.
If Adam and Eve are the spark from which our race was born, but all the world expunged in the great flood of Noah's epoch; it is really from Noah that we should credit our race.
If the bible is holy and it's words the foundation of a religion, why is it that God only says 10 things throughout the whole book?
If you approach me one more time in the mall with religious rhetoric, I will verbally flog you...publicly.
"If man was meant to fly, he'd have wings," is a ridiculous quote and is akin to saying, "if man was meant to eat, he'd have forks for fingers."
"If I had a nickle for every time you said that." You'd have $465.35. Now stop saying that.
"If you eat your vegetables, you'll grow big and strong," is a lie.
If your friend looks uncomfortable as you eat your girlfriend's face, courtesy would call for a halt to any further PDA.
If someone has their blinker on, they are most likely looking to get into the next lane over. Be courteous; accommodate them.
If you see an elderly man using a walker and about to cross the threshold into a store, don't push past him and shut the door in his face.
If you come out of a store and find your front tire slashed on your asshole red 4ft lifted Ford truck, it was probably the old man.
If God created the earth in 7 days, maybe it's because he's had a universe of practice before hand.
If we are searching for another earth, but every possible planet we find just isn't quite right, maybe were looking at practice planets.
If God created Lucifer, he probably did so purposely to give himself and his creations purpose.
If Adam and Eve are the spark from which our race was born, but all the world expunged in the great flood of Noah's epoch; it is really from Noah that we should credit our race.
If the bible is holy and it's words the foundation of a religion, why is it that God only says 10 things throughout the whole book?
If you approach me one more time in the mall with religious rhetoric, I will verbally flog you...publicly.
"If man was meant to fly, he'd have wings," is a ridiculous quote and is akin to saying, "if man was meant to eat, he'd have forks for fingers."
"If I had a nickle for every time you said that." You'd have $465.35. Now stop saying that.
"If you eat your vegetables, you'll grow big and strong," is a lie.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Hiatus
Everyone needs a break sometimes; a break from anything and everything. In my case, I needed a break from myself.
I have, for the past few years, have been unable to go to sleep; and when I do, it is always an uneasy and wholly unfulfilling venture. The problem is not that I am not tired(<-- yes a double negative, bite me English dept.); no, the complete opposite in fact. I'm very tired, mentally and physically. I find myself slipping and making mistakes that I can no longer comprehend the reason for. I find myself slipping deeper and deeper into the realm of losing control, which has always been a fear of mine. It is the single reason I don't do drugs or drink alchohol. There I said it. In a society consumed with the idea of losing control and letting loose, as it were; no one can understand or will except my explination of why I keep myself wound tight; why I refuse to kick one back with them. Am I wrong?
Back on track. I never lose control and I never stop thinking; and because I never stop thinking, I never go to sleep. I lie down in bed in the serenity of silence only to hear the white noise of my mind as it parades through my head. Silience has become my enemy. In silience, I hear the noise of my mind and that is a sound I cannot shut off.
I realize now why Killswitch Engage and Rise Against calm me down. The stressful and fast lash of guitar string to pick siliences the noise in my head and I can shut down. People may look at me strangely as I lay peacefully reclined on an easy chair with death metal screaming in my ear, but they are not me and they don't understand what its like to have thought coursing through the mind at all hours of waking conciousness.
Speaking of other people, there is a distinct lack of empathy or sympathy or understanding on the part of people now-a-days. No one holds the door open; no one drives courteously; no one respects your personal decisions; and above all, no one respects you. Society is in such a rush to cram everything into a single day, that they no longer have time to respect any other motives but their own. Pushing and shoving and cutting in line to see a movie on the first day; Weaving and swerving and driving fast to get to no where in particular. Reminds me of a quote I once heard: A man was on a guided tour of the African safari, and the guide stopped the truck on the edge of a gorgeous view of the valley. The man went about stretching his legs and relieving himself and after a few minutes, he tapped the shoulder of the guide, who was leaning against the hood of the truck, and said "hey, we should be on our way, its getting dark." The guide continued staring at the sunset as it bathed the valley in its dying glow and muttered something about the truck having lights. The man spoke to him again and said, "but we need to make camp." Then the guide, still looking out over the valley, spoke and he said, "You city people are always in a hurry, going here and going there. Sometimes you need to stop and let your soul catch up." As far as I'm concerned, that's the most sage advice I've heard in a long time. I only wish more people would consider the blur they live on a day to day basis.
This was a bitter stream of thought post. And yet, somehow, I always manage to dig through the petty thoughts on top to reach the core issue that is bothering me. And, what's worse, the things that bother me; I can't change.
I have, for the past few years, have been unable to go to sleep; and when I do, it is always an uneasy and wholly unfulfilling venture. The problem is not that I am not tired(<-- yes a double negative, bite me English dept.); no, the complete opposite in fact. I'm very tired, mentally and physically. I find myself slipping and making mistakes that I can no longer comprehend the reason for. I find myself slipping deeper and deeper into the realm of losing control, which has always been a fear of mine. It is the single reason I don't do drugs or drink alchohol. There I said it. In a society consumed with the idea of losing control and letting loose, as it were; no one can understand or will except my explination of why I keep myself wound tight; why I refuse to kick one back with them. Am I wrong?
Back on track. I never lose control and I never stop thinking; and because I never stop thinking, I never go to sleep. I lie down in bed in the serenity of silence only to hear the white noise of my mind as it parades through my head. Silience has become my enemy. In silience, I hear the noise of my mind and that is a sound I cannot shut off.
I realize now why Killswitch Engage and Rise Against calm me down. The stressful and fast lash of guitar string to pick siliences the noise in my head and I can shut down. People may look at me strangely as I lay peacefully reclined on an easy chair with death metal screaming in my ear, but they are not me and they don't understand what its like to have thought coursing through the mind at all hours of waking conciousness.
Speaking of other people, there is a distinct lack of empathy or sympathy or understanding on the part of people now-a-days. No one holds the door open; no one drives courteously; no one respects your personal decisions; and above all, no one respects you. Society is in such a rush to cram everything into a single day, that they no longer have time to respect any other motives but their own. Pushing and shoving and cutting in line to see a movie on the first day; Weaving and swerving and driving fast to get to no where in particular. Reminds me of a quote I once heard: A man was on a guided tour of the African safari, and the guide stopped the truck on the edge of a gorgeous view of the valley. The man went about stretching his legs and relieving himself and after a few minutes, he tapped the shoulder of the guide, who was leaning against the hood of the truck, and said "hey, we should be on our way, its getting dark." The guide continued staring at the sunset as it bathed the valley in its dying glow and muttered something about the truck having lights. The man spoke to him again and said, "but we need to make camp." Then the guide, still looking out over the valley, spoke and he said, "You city people are always in a hurry, going here and going there. Sometimes you need to stop and let your soul catch up." As far as I'm concerned, that's the most sage advice I've heard in a long time. I only wish more people would consider the blur they live on a day to day basis.
This was a bitter stream of thought post. And yet, somehow, I always manage to dig through the petty thoughts on top to reach the core issue that is bothering me. And, what's worse, the things that bother me; I can't change.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Reading
A passion I have long held that, after junior high, I failed to pursue. Not to say that I didn't read books in high school, however, most of those books failed to touch me as my own choice of reading did. Consider, however, that my own choice of reading was not a Danielle Steele novel or a sci-fi epic based on the Halo universe, but rather, Sherlock Holmes, Mein Kampf, Cities in Flight, Wraethu.
It hasn't been until recently, and by recent, I mean this past weekend, that I have been able to sit down, or lie down in this case, and really read a book for a good portion of time. I was at the beach, if you must know, lying on a towel with the waves breaking softly against the shore and a cool breeze blowing the heat of the sun away. I also had the good fortune to be one of perhaps a dozen beach goers, which makes for a very peaceful surrounding.
I was at the beach that day for three hours and I luxuriously read six chapters of my book before I decided to leave. But, it wasn't the fact that I read a book that was remarkable; what was remarkable is what that three hours did for me. It made me feel like the weekend had been a week. It made me feel like I had lived a very long time in a very short time. Time passed slower and the world seemed to slow down and linger for a bit so that I may enjoy it.
Back to the grind of work, cell phones, computers, TV, video games, driving, eating, driving, working, a few hours of sleep, and work again. How quick Monday disappeared into Tuesday. And lo, I've left my book in the car; a chapter at lunch might be nice. And here I am, an hour later or is it a day?
I have a clear memory or a clear perception of my childhood being very long and my high school and college years being very short. I would venture to guess this is due to reading. When I was a child, my father read The Hobbit to me. I believe I was four or five. I was transfixed since then, images of dragons and epic battles playing out in my dreams and in my head. I desperatly wanted to learn to read and by the time I was in fifth grade, I was reading Sherlock Holmes and Goosebumps and Mossflower. Reading was my vice and it often came ahead of my studies.
However, as I got older and entered high school, other vices came and more demanding studies. Friends began eating up time, video games, homework, and required reading that was as dull as the book shelf it had come from. Required reading that inspired nothing inside of me and was purely academic. This is what, I believe, ruined reading for me. For now, reading was a chore, a grating task that took my love and turned it into hatred.
I stopped reading for pleasure then and consumed myself with electronic and human vices. And high school passed quickly, and so did college. In my mind, my years in college and high school were very short and my childhood is stretched out and long like a length of taffy. Now again, I have rediscovered a childhood love and all the joy and time bending principles it once brought me.
In consideration of all of this, I have come to the realization that I live so fast with my electronics and my 3g network that the simple stagnant medium of an ink stained piece of paper might slow me up enough to enjoy the moment. While my video games and my TV might provide enjoyment, they are too fast and before you know it, an hour has gone by and I'm still moving at the speed of light.
It hasn't been until recently, and by recent, I mean this past weekend, that I have been able to sit down, or lie down in this case, and really read a book for a good portion of time. I was at the beach, if you must know, lying on a towel with the waves breaking softly against the shore and a cool breeze blowing the heat of the sun away. I also had the good fortune to be one of perhaps a dozen beach goers, which makes for a very peaceful surrounding.
I was at the beach that day for three hours and I luxuriously read six chapters of my book before I decided to leave. But, it wasn't the fact that I read a book that was remarkable; what was remarkable is what that three hours did for me. It made me feel like the weekend had been a week. It made me feel like I had lived a very long time in a very short time. Time passed slower and the world seemed to slow down and linger for a bit so that I may enjoy it.
Back to the grind of work, cell phones, computers, TV, video games, driving, eating, driving, working, a few hours of sleep, and work again. How quick Monday disappeared into Tuesday. And lo, I've left my book in the car; a chapter at lunch might be nice. And here I am, an hour later or is it a day?
I have a clear memory or a clear perception of my childhood being very long and my high school and college years being very short. I would venture to guess this is due to reading. When I was a child, my father read The Hobbit to me. I believe I was four or five. I was transfixed since then, images of dragons and epic battles playing out in my dreams and in my head. I desperatly wanted to learn to read and by the time I was in fifth grade, I was reading Sherlock Holmes and Goosebumps and Mossflower. Reading was my vice and it often came ahead of my studies.
However, as I got older and entered high school, other vices came and more demanding studies. Friends began eating up time, video games, homework, and required reading that was as dull as the book shelf it had come from. Required reading that inspired nothing inside of me and was purely academic. This is what, I believe, ruined reading for me. For now, reading was a chore, a grating task that took my love and turned it into hatred.
I stopped reading for pleasure then and consumed myself with electronic and human vices. And high school passed quickly, and so did college. In my mind, my years in college and high school were very short and my childhood is stretched out and long like a length of taffy. Now again, I have rediscovered a childhood love and all the joy and time bending principles it once brought me.
In consideration of all of this, I have come to the realization that I live so fast with my electronics and my 3g network that the simple stagnant medium of an ink stained piece of paper might slow me up enough to enjoy the moment. While my video games and my TV might provide enjoyment, they are too fast and before you know it, an hour has gone by and I'm still moving at the speed of light.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Dedication
'Twould it be for naught
That I have tattered so
For when my progeny walk free
So it shall be on the ash of my grave
Given freely, freely given
For given free it was not to me
And so remains the gift
Of an epoch discarded
That I have tattered so
For when my progeny walk free
So it shall be on the ash of my grave
Given freely, freely given
For given free it was not to me
And so remains the gift
Of an epoch discarded
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Music: Part 2
It seems to me, personally, that music was a lot better and more original in time gone by than it is now. Unfortunately, with all the different styles of music, it's really impossible to compare apples to apples when doing an in-depth analysis of music. Comparing The Who to NIN is impossible; both have their place in rock history.
So then, how could I think music is becoming diluted and paltry if I can't compare music? Well, that's not entirely the case. We can compare difficulty, playing style, lyrics even. However, a comparison, I realize is impossible, simply because music is based on taste and taste changes with society and people as the wind changes on a winter's day.
Society is fickle and blah blah blah blah. While I still feel music of long ago was better than music of today, I'm unable to tell you why and therefore I'm reduced to feeding you an opinion not based on any fact I am able to substantiate, which is something I abhor.
So for now, I leave this matter as such unable to prove what exactly my opinion and gut feeling is based on.
So then, how could I think music is becoming diluted and paltry if I can't compare music? Well, that's not entirely the case. We can compare difficulty, playing style, lyrics even. However, a comparison, I realize is impossible, simply because music is based on taste and taste changes with society and people as the wind changes on a winter's day.
Society is fickle and blah blah blah blah. While I still feel music of long ago was better than music of today, I'm unable to tell you why and therefore I'm reduced to feeding you an opinion not based on any fact I am able to substantiate, which is something I abhor.
So for now, I leave this matter as such unable to prove what exactly my opinion and gut feeling is based on.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Music: Part 1
As I sit here listening to the music coursing into my ears, I can't help but contemplate the enormous affect that music plays on our lives.
The modern day and age, in which we live, is chock full of available, on demand music. Cars whiz by at frightening speeds, all while the teenage driver at the wheel bobs their head in time to rap, rock, or whatever they happen to be listening to. Music has always been a part of our culture and always played an important role in our lives, but today, more than ever before, music crashes into our ears from all possible mediums.
I can't help but think of American Idol, America's Got Talent, Britain's Got Talent, Somalia's Got Talent...I mean. So many shows designed to bring new faces, new musicians, and new music into the world and yet, I wonder if that's really a good thing. Kelly Clarkson, Cas Haley, Susan Boyle; three people I can think of, off the top of my head, that, through the use of a "talent" show, were able to launch a career into the musical world. Now, I'm not saying they are bad musicians or anything, but new people and new music flood our ears every moment of every day and I wonder if people's appreciation of music has become as diluted as the industry?
My thoughts and musings on this came to a head when I listened to a selection of songs that my friend had liked and had put together on a CD. All the songs were off the same basic pattern, rhythm, and genre: rock. Yet, I couldn't help but listen in amazement as I heard two completely separate songs, by two completely different artists, using the same chords and same basic chord structure. I even asked him if thought the songs sounded similar. He said no.
Being raised musical and surrounding myself with a few good musical friends, I've been privileged enough to have a great appreciation and a good understanding of music. So much so, that I couldn't over look two songs sounding the same and the artists actually getting away with it.
I had to understand what was going on to music, where it was going, and why people gave me a leery eye when I mentioned Bob and Dylan together?
The modern day and age, in which we live, is chock full of available, on demand music. Cars whiz by at frightening speeds, all while the teenage driver at the wheel bobs their head in time to rap, rock, or whatever they happen to be listening to. Music has always been a part of our culture and always played an important role in our lives, but today, more than ever before, music crashes into our ears from all possible mediums.
I can't help but think of American Idol, America's Got Talent, Britain's Got Talent, Somalia's Got Talent...I mean. So many shows designed to bring new faces, new musicians, and new music into the world and yet, I wonder if that's really a good thing. Kelly Clarkson, Cas Haley, Susan Boyle; three people I can think of, off the top of my head, that, through the use of a "talent" show, were able to launch a career into the musical world. Now, I'm not saying they are bad musicians or anything, but new people and new music flood our ears every moment of every day and I wonder if people's appreciation of music has become as diluted as the industry?
My thoughts and musings on this came to a head when I listened to a selection of songs that my friend had liked and had put together on a CD. All the songs were off the same basic pattern, rhythm, and genre: rock. Yet, I couldn't help but listen in amazement as I heard two completely separate songs, by two completely different artists, using the same chords and same basic chord structure. I even asked him if thought the songs sounded similar. He said no.
Being raised musical and surrounding myself with a few good musical friends, I've been privileged enough to have a great appreciation and a good understanding of music. So much so, that I couldn't over look two songs sounding the same and the artists actually getting away with it.
I had to understand what was going on to music, where it was going, and why people gave me a leery eye when I mentioned Bob and Dylan together?
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Days Lost
From a young age, we are taught that, with sleep, we can look forward to a new day. But does anyone ever consider that, with sleep, another day has passed; another day you can't have back; another day closer to the end of new days.
Sleep has never come easy.
Sleep has never come easy.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
I Wonder...
I wonder if I am meant to understand existence or reality or if by attempting so; I am not living the life I have been given.
By contemplating the universe, am I wasting my time that could be better spent performing the trivial and mundane actions that make us human and define our existence?
Perhaps I am over thinking the situation, as I always do. I was often told in school that my first answer or my first intuition was often the correct one, but yet; I persisted in over thinking and over analyzing the situation and second guessing myself.
I wonder if my first intuition, that my own existence will continue, was the correct answer and now I am just second guessing myself. I wonder if I am missing out on the blessing of life by trying to understand my prison.
By contemplating the universe, am I wasting my time that could be better spent performing the trivial and mundane actions that make us human and define our existence?
Perhaps I am over thinking the situation, as I always do. I was often told in school that my first answer or my first intuition was often the correct one, but yet; I persisted in over thinking and over analyzing the situation and second guessing myself.
I wonder if my first intuition, that my own existence will continue, was the correct answer and now I am just second guessing myself. I wonder if I am missing out on the blessing of life by trying to understand my prison.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Faith and Religion
Religion is a curse; Faith, a blessing. To combine the two is the greatest sin of man.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Follow Up
This morning I received a chain letter. I abhor chain letters because they are mostly filled with mindless drivel. However, one letter I opened kept me enthralled until nigh on the end where it turned into meaningless chain letter nonsense.
The bulk of the letter was a story told simply with 5 pictures and a few words and yet; even with those few words. It was one of the most touching, saddening, and deeply moving collection of words I've read.
To say that beauty is relevant to the story would be a gross understatement. I find in these pictures and in these few words beauty enough to fill me with a deep satisfaction that I cannot explain.
I'm going to reproduce the story here. (with correct grammar and spelling)
Her name is Katie Kirkpatrick; 21 years old. To her right is her fiancée, Nick; 23.
This picture was taken prior to their wedding January 11th, 2005. Katie has terminal cancer and spends hours in chemotherapy. Here Nick waits while she finishes one of the sessions.
Even in pain and dealing with her organs shutting down, with the help of morphine, Katie took care of every single wedding plan.
Her dress had to be adjusted several times due to Katie's constant weight loss.
*missing picture*
An expected guest was her oxygen tank. Katie had to use it during the ceremony and reception. The other couple in this picture are Nick's parents, very emotional with the wedding and of course to see their son marrying the girl he fell in love when he was an adolescent.
Katie, in a wheel chair listening to her husband and friends singing to her.
In the middle of the party, Katie had to rest for a bit and catch her breath. The pain doesn't allow her to stand for long periods of time.
Katie died 5 days after her wedding. To see a fragile woman dress as bride with a genuine smile makes you think: happiness is always within reach; no matter how long it lasts. Life is too short to make it complicated. Enjoy it.
The bulk of the letter was a story told simply with 5 pictures and a few words and yet; even with those few words. It was one of the most touching, saddening, and deeply moving collection of words I've read.
To say that beauty is relevant to the story would be a gross understatement. I find in these pictures and in these few words beauty enough to fill me with a deep satisfaction that I cannot explain.
I'm going to reproduce the story here. (with correct grammar and spelling)
Her name is Katie Kirkpatrick; 21 years old. To her right is her fiancée, Nick; 23.
This picture was taken prior to their wedding January 11th, 2005. Katie has terminal cancer and spends hours in chemotherapy. Here Nick waits while she finishes one of the sessions.
Even in pain and dealing with her organs shutting down, with the help of morphine, Katie took care of every single wedding plan.
Her dress had to be adjusted several times due to Katie's constant weight loss.
*missing picture*
An expected guest was her oxygen tank. Katie had to use it during the ceremony and reception. The other couple in this picture are Nick's parents, very emotional with the wedding and of course to see their son marrying the girl he fell in love when he was an adolescent.
Katie, in a wheel chair listening to her husband and friends singing to her.
In the middle of the party, Katie had to rest for a bit and catch her breath. The pain doesn't allow her to stand for long periods of time.
Katie died 5 days after her wedding. To see a fragile woman dress as bride with a genuine smile makes you think: happiness is always within reach; no matter how long it lasts. Life is too short to make it complicated. Enjoy it.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Beauty
Is, for all intensive purposes, in the eye of the beholder.
However, I wonder if there are not multiple levels of beauty? Perhaps, there is a level of beauty so deep that we hardly ever experience it and, when we do, we experience moments of pure elation and joy.
Yet, perhaps, beauty is only appreciated by those who let themselves appreciate it.
On the surface, the act of birth is not beautiful. Fluids and crying and all manner of icky things are happening when a new person is birthed and yet, in some deep way; birth is one of the most beautiful things to experience.
Not on a TV or through a glass, but first hand. To be present at the onset of a person's life on this world is an awe inspiring gift of beauty to those who can experience it.
Just the same, to be present at the end of a person's life, as they close their final chapter, is as equal a thing of beauty as their birth. The breadth and scope of life, taken in whole, is that of a deep and passionate beauty and something, I know, not many will experience.
However, I wonder if there are not multiple levels of beauty? Perhaps, there is a level of beauty so deep that we hardly ever experience it and, when we do, we experience moments of pure elation and joy.
Yet, perhaps, beauty is only appreciated by those who let themselves appreciate it.
On the surface, the act of birth is not beautiful. Fluids and crying and all manner of icky things are happening when a new person is birthed and yet, in some deep way; birth is one of the most beautiful things to experience.
Not on a TV or through a glass, but first hand. To be present at the onset of a person's life on this world is an awe inspiring gift of beauty to those who can experience it.
Just the same, to be present at the end of a person's life, as they close their final chapter, is as equal a thing of beauty as their birth. The breadth and scope of life, taken in whole, is that of a deep and passionate beauty and something, I know, not many will experience.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Knowing
The movie bothered me on an unprecedented scale.
Despite the Scientologic and Catholic undertones presented, the plot itself deeply bothered me. Aliens and/or otherworldly beings select a few chosen to be the progenitors of a conceivably new race of humans living on another world. They arrive in space ships and ascend to their star ships with a gossamer outline of wings from their back.
So...let me get this straight. Angels are really aliens, who we think our angels?
I thought that they were angels, but to my surprise
They climbed aboard their star ships and headed for the skies
Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me
Religion has always bothered me how it seeks to seep in through the cracks and plant itself subliminally in the deepest corners of the mind. What I thought was an apocalyptic thriller, turned into a Scientology lesson.
Perhaps I am the only one to have seen it. It seems that the rest of my party failed to notice it. In fact, most of the movie was lost on others; something that I think is a good thing. Religion is a scary thing in the wrong minds and faith is a blessing most have yet to receive. To confuse the two is worse.
Despite the Scientologic and Catholic undertones presented, the plot itself deeply bothered me. Aliens and/or otherworldly beings select a few chosen to be the progenitors of a conceivably new race of humans living on another world. They arrive in space ships and ascend to their star ships with a gossamer outline of wings from their back.
So...let me get this straight. Angels are really aliens, who we think our angels?
I thought that they were angels, but to my surprise
They climbed aboard their star ships and headed for the skies
Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me
Religion has always bothered me how it seeks to seep in through the cracks and plant itself subliminally in the deepest corners of the mind. What I thought was an apocalyptic thriller, turned into a Scientology lesson.
Perhaps I am the only one to have seen it. It seems that the rest of my party failed to notice it. In fact, most of the movie was lost on others; something that I think is a good thing. Religion is a scary thing in the wrong minds and faith is a blessing most have yet to receive. To confuse the two is worse.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Depression
Today, I found myself amidst the throws of depression and I have been unable, as of yet, to free myself from it. Thus, I am unable to rationalize any thought or produce any written word worth considering.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Space and Time - Part Three
I don't think, given an infinite amount of time, the universe could ever, under any circumstance, create a yellow bus. Yes, a yellow school bus, complete with rotating wheels and and a flip out "STOP" sign. Yet, humans have in fact created a yellow school bus. So, where did this thought come from?
We already know that something cannot be created from nothing. So how is it that the yellow school bus came into existence. Where did it come from? Well that's simple, you say; someone thought of it.
My point exactly.
Someone thought of it. Someone, created a thought out of nothing and applied it to the physical world around them. This would then violate our principle of Creation ex nihilo. Well, you scoff; thought is simply the biproduct of our bodies turning food into energy, which in turn allows us to have thought.
True, but what then gives us the ability to create from nothing; an event that violates the principle?
To say that thought and creation are merely biproducts would be wrong; would it not? If that were the case, then anyone, anywhere, could have a developed a yellow bus and yet; it didn't happen. Why not? Because humans draw their thought and their creationistic qualities from their own individual energy.
If it helps, you can think of this as a soul. However, do not think of it religiously. This would defeat the purpose of this entire writing.
If thought and creation can bring forth new ideas and new anything into the physical world, then where did the energy come from for that creation?
Of course it could be true that humans have just evolved to turn energy into new forms and our purpose is realized. However, nihilism has never been a preferred philosophical state of mind because it's just too easy to fit all your problems in. While I can think and while I can postulate, I will always attempt to garner the truth and understanding of whatever kind of existence we may be existing in.
We already know that something cannot be created from nothing. So how is it that the yellow school bus came into existence. Where did it come from? Well that's simple, you say; someone thought of it.
My point exactly.
Someone thought of it. Someone, created a thought out of nothing and applied it to the physical world around them. This would then violate our principle of Creation ex nihilo. Well, you scoff; thought is simply the biproduct of our bodies turning food into energy, which in turn allows us to have thought.
True, but what then gives us the ability to create from nothing; an event that violates the principle?
To say that thought and creation are merely biproducts would be wrong; would it not? If that were the case, then anyone, anywhere, could have a developed a yellow bus and yet; it didn't happen. Why not? Because humans draw their thought and their creationistic qualities from their own individual energy.
If it helps, you can think of this as a soul. However, do not think of it religiously. This would defeat the purpose of this entire writing.
If thought and creation can bring forth new ideas and new anything into the physical world, then where did the energy come from for that creation?
Of course it could be true that humans have just evolved to turn energy into new forms and our purpose is realized. However, nihilism has never been a preferred philosophical state of mind because it's just too easy to fit all your problems in. While I can think and while I can postulate, I will always attempt to garner the truth and understanding of whatever kind of existence we may be existing in.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Space and Time - Part Two
Yesterday, I touched the surface of a hypothesis I have regarding an equal and opposite existence to that of our own. I am going to continue that vein of discussion.
In physics, we learned that each action has an equal and opposite reaction. The simplest way to imagine this is through the use of a sea-saw. When one side goes down, the other side goes up; an action and reaction. Through this simple principle, one can see that existence is a series of actions and reactions, negatives and positives, yins and yangs. In this way, if we apply this principle to philisophical thought, we can understand the philosophical world in an almost scientific manner of action, reaction.
To begin; if I was to ask what the opposite of existence is, most people would respond non-existence. While at first glance, this seems to meet the criteria of an action with an equal and opposite reaction; however, it really does not.
To explain; in mathmatics, if I was to give you a number: 1. Then I asked you to give me the opposite number. What would you say? 0? Certainly not. 0 is not the opposite of anything. 0 is non-existence quantified. No, the opposite of 1 is -1. An equal and opposite reaction to a positive number is a negative number of the same magnitude.
So, back to our previous question: what is the opposite of existence? If the laws and principles that govern our universe hold true, then the opposite of existence would be a non-tangible existence; an existence of energy. An existence where the tangibility that limits that amount of material in a particular place in spacetime is nullified because it exists outside the physical universe as an equal and opposite counterpart.
In physics there are two important principles that exist: Creation ex nihilo and Demise ad nihil: Creation out of nothing and Demise into nothing; i.e. something cannot be created from nothing and something cannot become nothing. These are two very important principles to remember as we seek to apply them to philosophy.
From a purely physical standpoint, all these principles are implying is that the physical world around us will never not exist, nor will nothing new ever come into existence. However, we come to the final question; the question I will cover tomorrow. If Creation ex nihilo is a principle of the physical universe and something cannot be created from nothing; what, then, is thought?
In physics, we learned that each action has an equal and opposite reaction. The simplest way to imagine this is through the use of a sea-saw. When one side goes down, the other side goes up; an action and reaction. Through this simple principle, one can see that existence is a series of actions and reactions, negatives and positives, yins and yangs. In this way, if we apply this principle to philisophical thought, we can understand the philosophical world in an almost scientific manner of action, reaction.
To begin; if I was to ask what the opposite of existence is, most people would respond non-existence. While at first glance, this seems to meet the criteria of an action with an equal and opposite reaction; however, it really does not.
To explain; in mathmatics, if I was to give you a number: 1. Then I asked you to give me the opposite number. What would you say? 0? Certainly not. 0 is not the opposite of anything. 0 is non-existence quantified. No, the opposite of 1 is -1. An equal and opposite reaction to a positive number is a negative number of the same magnitude.
So, back to our previous question: what is the opposite of existence? If the laws and principles that govern our universe hold true, then the opposite of existence would be a non-tangible existence; an existence of energy. An existence where the tangibility that limits that amount of material in a particular place in spacetime is nullified because it exists outside the physical universe as an equal and opposite counterpart.
In physics there are two important principles that exist: Creation ex nihilo and Demise ad nihil: Creation out of nothing and Demise into nothing; i.e. something cannot be created from nothing and something cannot become nothing. These are two very important principles to remember as we seek to apply them to philosophy.
From a purely physical standpoint, all these principles are implying is that the physical world around us will never not exist, nor will nothing new ever come into existence. However, we come to the final question; the question I will cover tomorrow. If Creation ex nihilo is a principle of the physical universe and something cannot be created from nothing; what, then, is thought?
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Space and Time - Part One
The laws of physics and math help us to understand the world around us. Amidst these laws and theories, lie several ideas that, I believe, help to quantify existence.
The first idea I want to talk about is space, or more descriptively, spacetime. In laymen's terms, what we learned in physics is that, no material entity can occupy the same space as another at the same instant. Seems pretty sound to me. My finger cannot occupy the same space as my thumb at the same moment. However, there is something, in our reality, that can occupy the same space at the same time: energy.
A wave is a current of energy. Waves can combine and move through each other which seemingly violates the principle stated above, or does it? We've learned that when a wave moves through a medium, the atoms and molecules that form said medium simply undulate with the current of energy and return to the same position as they were before.
Now bear with me, this gets a little complicated.
If energy can coexist at the same point in spacetime, but physical material cannot; this suggests to me that an existence outside our own physical reality exists.
Woah, woah, woah, hold up a tick; you're nuts. Maybe.
However, it seems to me that because tangible material entities cannot occupy the same space in time but energy can; that an intangible component to our own universe exists. A component that we have yet to or may never explore due to it's own intangibility.
This flows into my own hypothesis of an existence equal and opposite to that of our own. But that is another lengthy discussion that I will delve into tomorrow.
The first idea I want to talk about is space, or more descriptively, spacetime. In laymen's terms, what we learned in physics is that, no material entity can occupy the same space as another at the same instant. Seems pretty sound to me. My finger cannot occupy the same space as my thumb at the same moment. However, there is something, in our reality, that can occupy the same space at the same time: energy.
A wave is a current of energy. Waves can combine and move through each other which seemingly violates the principle stated above, or does it? We've learned that when a wave moves through a medium, the atoms and molecules that form said medium simply undulate with the current of energy and return to the same position as they were before.
Now bear with me, this gets a little complicated.
If energy can coexist at the same point in spacetime, but physical material cannot; this suggests to me that an existence outside our own physical reality exists.
Woah, woah, woah, hold up a tick; you're nuts. Maybe.
However, it seems to me that because tangible material entities cannot occupy the same space in time but energy can; that an intangible component to our own universe exists. A component that we have yet to or may never explore due to it's own intangibility.
This flows into my own hypothesis of an existence equal and opposite to that of our own. But that is another lengthy discussion that I will delve into tomorrow.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
What are you doing?
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
ends
Optimism is the problem, I realize. No, I take that back; not optimism, but rather, eccentric optimism. Optimism, in itself, is a good thing to have. It wards off lugubrious thoughts and keeps depressive behavior at bay. No, the optimism I’m referring to can be found in varsity cheerleaders and it can be found, especially, amongst the spirit squad at your highschool. Well, of course, Ryan, highschool is a time to be optimisitic and look towards your future. Is it?
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
envy is a green word...
Long have I toyed with the idea of "blogging." The idea never convinced me enough. Friends have suggested a blog; I had dismissed a blog. The very word brought to mind a vision of myspacian teenagers spending long secretive nights camped in front of a computer screen as they chat, post, and disseminate their thoughts across the electronic verse.
That is an image I hold to this day.
Why then now, amidst the turmoil of a life following college, do I dare carry through with something that I have deemed for so long to be the cry of angst-ridden teenagers?
Because of envy. The simple four letter word has graced my lips and thoughts little in the 23 years of life I have enjoyed and yet; now, it fills the very core of my being and fills my soul with its foul stench. I can do nothing but think it, feel it, see it, and hate it.
To say that I am strong willed is an understatement. Quite simply put, I'm stubborn to the point of angry opposition. So I wonder how such a word as envy, and all that it implies, could uproot my life so completely...?
I think I have it. Its not the word or the actions it represents that disturb me so, but rather the source. It is a cold day amongst the living when you discover that your parents, the people with whome you placed your trust, your love, and your safety, are envious of you. So, I find myself, as the myspacian teenagers before me, sitting here in front of my computer screen disseminating my thoughts amongst the electronic verse. Perhaps in the vain hope that in doing so, my concious might cease its turmoil and allow peace and sleep to overtake my fragile frazzled mind.
I haven't had children yet, but it seems to me that any success delivered upon your child would be met with joyous praise and jubilation. Is it not, after all, the goal of a parent to raise a respectable offspring that will bring admiration and praise upon the family name? Maybe not. It seems I've read too many books that romanticize chivalry and the like. I should really stop. The 21st century seems to have no room for the ideals of former centuries' great literary works.
To say that I am bothered would be correct. To say that I am hurt would also be correct. To say that I look like I'm about to cry, vomit, deficate, and sneeze all at the same time would again be correct. Simply put, I'm unable to express how I feel and oddly enough, one of my very first thoughts: "I should write about it in a blog."
That is an image I hold to this day.
Why then now, amidst the turmoil of a life following college, do I dare carry through with something that I have deemed for so long to be the cry of angst-ridden teenagers?
Because of envy. The simple four letter word has graced my lips and thoughts little in the 23 years of life I have enjoyed and yet; now, it fills the very core of my being and fills my soul with its foul stench. I can do nothing but think it, feel it, see it, and hate it.
To say that I am strong willed is an understatement. Quite simply put, I'm stubborn to the point of angry opposition. So I wonder how such a word as envy, and all that it implies, could uproot my life so completely...?
I think I have it. Its not the word or the actions it represents that disturb me so, but rather the source. It is a cold day amongst the living when you discover that your parents, the people with whome you placed your trust, your love, and your safety, are envious of you. So, I find myself, as the myspacian teenagers before me, sitting here in front of my computer screen disseminating my thoughts amongst the electronic verse. Perhaps in the vain hope that in doing so, my concious might cease its turmoil and allow peace and sleep to overtake my fragile frazzled mind.
I haven't had children yet, but it seems to me that any success delivered upon your child would be met with joyous praise and jubilation. Is it not, after all, the goal of a parent to raise a respectable offspring that will bring admiration and praise upon the family name? Maybe not. It seems I've read too many books that romanticize chivalry and the like. I should really stop. The 21st century seems to have no room for the ideals of former centuries' great literary works.
To say that I am bothered would be correct. To say that I am hurt would also be correct. To say that I look like I'm about to cry, vomit, deficate, and sneeze all at the same time would again be correct. Simply put, I'm unable to express how I feel and oddly enough, one of my very first thoughts: "I should write about it in a blog."
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