If...

If your friend is sitting silently off to the side, and he hasn't said anything all night; he's probably uncomfortable with the situation and, if you were any kind of friend to your friend, you would rectify the situation.

If your friend looks uncomfortable as you eat your girlfriend's face, courtesy would call for a halt to any further PDA.

If someone has their blinker on, they are most likely looking to get into the next lane over. Be courteous; accommodate them.

If you see an elderly man using a walker and about to cross the threshold into a store, don't push past him and shut the door in his face.

If you come out of a store and find your front tire slashed on your asshole red 4ft lifted Ford truck, it was probably the old man.

If God created the earth in 7 days, maybe it's because he's had a universe of practice before hand.

If we are searching for another earth, but every possible planet we find just isn't quite right, maybe were looking at practice planets.

If God created Lucifer, he probably did so purposely to give himself and his creations purpose.

If Adam and Eve are the spark from which our race was born, but all the world expunged in the great flood of Noah's epoch; it is really from Noah that we should credit our race.

If the bible is holy and it's words the foundation of a religion, why is it that God only says 10 things throughout the whole book?

If you approach me one more time in the mall with religious rhetoric, I will verbally flog you...publicly.

"If man was meant to fly, he'd have wings," is a ridiculous quote and is akin to saying, "if man was meant to eat, he'd have forks for fingers."

"If I had a nickle for every time you said that." You'd have $465.35. Now stop saying that.

"If you eat your vegetables, you'll grow big and strong," is a lie.