What are we doing?

I was ambulating through Office Depot last night as I shopped for pens, paper, and pleasantry, and I observed a son arguing with his mother over why he needed a particular expensive backpack and not the one she was suggesting.

My first thought was of reminiscence of my own maternal arguments. My second thought was of pure insanity, however, and I did all I could to not laugh. Here standing before me with only a scant 50 or 60 years left was this overweight child arguing about a material thing that he would most likely throw out in a few years and forget about by the time he reached 11th grade.

Office Depot really put things in perspective.

Material goods seem to define modern societies status. The man capable of performing beautiful arias with a single instrument is set to the gutter in favor of the much less talented nabob with a large house and an over priced car that screams 'look at me.' Much the same way as the overweight adolescent believes that the expensive backpack will make him more acceptable to his society; when in fact, he was outcast the moment he was born to a lower class with less money.

In the midst of all this material goods talk, I realize something that is just utterly ridiculous in its concept but holds true for every example I put to it. Society hasn't changed at all. From the filth ridden streets of feudal Europe to the modern high-rise expanse of the Big Apple, a person's place in this world is purely based on their material status and that has been translated to the belief that acquired goods will raise a person's status and then finally, amidst the cultural and industrial revolution of the modern era, crass consumerism.

Happiness is another problem that faces today's society. Happiness has been linked to material wealth. A child's belief that an Xbox360 will make them happy is a false one. Throughout the child's life, he or she has been trained surreptitiously from family, friends, neighbors, TV personalities, movies, et cetera, that the newest gaming platform or the newest clothes will make him or her happy or will bestow more attention upon him or her through the adoration of those around him or her and that attention will make him or her happier, because being cool and loved by society is vitally important for happiness, right? Wrong. The Xbox360 might bring adoration and friends down upon that young child, but its the fleeting superficial kind; and when the newest Halo game comes out and that child doesn't have it, but another kid does, that child is suddenly going to find him or herself alone with their Xbox360 and three friendless controllers lying on his bedroom floor. That is, until they buy the newest Gears of War game and that kid with the Halo game will have three friendless controllers lying on their floor, and the consumer cycle continues because happiness is just a purchase away.

So, lets throw away all our clothes and our material offal and run naked through the trees spreading peace and love throughout the land. No, I intensly dislike hippies. Material goods do bring some measure of happiness, but its the kind of happiness that comes from the experience gained with their use. Buying a large TV isn't a bad thing, but the TV itself isn't happiness; happiness is from those sitting around you and the fact that you don't have to sit in each other's lap in order to see a little tiny screen. The Xbox360 isn't happiness either, but rather who is sitting around you playing with you.

This is hard thing to remember in today's society, where the swipe of a card can bring frisson so intense, that people can spend a whole day doing it. But, like drugs, the high only lasts so long and soon your back swiping again and again and again, until your life becomes an endless cycle of earn and spend and you are left with a pile of junk and no time or money to enjoy any of it.

So, what exactly has Office Depot taught me? Material goods are a false idol of happiness and societies happiness is a drug that must be purchased day in and day out. Makes me look back on my life and really realize what a waste of time and money most of it was.

If...

If your friend is sitting silently off to the side, and he hasn't said anything all night; he's probably uncomfortable with the situation and, if you were any kind of friend to your friend, you would rectify the situation.

If your friend looks uncomfortable as you eat your girlfriend's face, courtesy would call for a halt to any further PDA.

If someone has their blinker on, they are most likely looking to get into the next lane over. Be courteous; accommodate them.

If you see an elderly man using a walker and about to cross the threshold into a store, don't push past him and shut the door in his face.

If you come out of a store and find your front tire slashed on your asshole red 4ft lifted Ford truck, it was probably the old man.

If God created the earth in 7 days, maybe it's because he's had a universe of practice before hand.

If we are searching for another earth, but every possible planet we find just isn't quite right, maybe were looking at practice planets.

If God created Lucifer, he probably did so purposely to give himself and his creations purpose.

If Adam and Eve are the spark from which our race was born, but all the world expunged in the great flood of Noah's epoch; it is really from Noah that we should credit our race.

If the bible is holy and it's words the foundation of a religion, why is it that God only says 10 things throughout the whole book?

If you approach me one more time in the mall with religious rhetoric, I will verbally flog you...publicly.

"If man was meant to fly, he'd have wings," is a ridiculous quote and is akin to saying, "if man was meant to eat, he'd have forks for fingers."

"If I had a nickle for every time you said that." You'd have $465.35. Now stop saying that.

"If you eat your vegetables, you'll grow big and strong," is a lie.

Hiatus

Everyone needs a break sometimes; a break from anything and everything. In my case, I needed a break from myself.

I have, for the past few years, have been unable to go to sleep; and when I do, it is always an uneasy and wholly unfulfilling venture. The problem is not that I am not tired(<-- yes a double negative, bite me English dept.); no, the complete opposite in fact. I'm very tired, mentally and physically. I find myself slipping and making mistakes that I can no longer comprehend the reason for. I find myself slipping deeper and deeper into the realm of losing control, which has always been a fear of mine. It is the single reason I don't do drugs or drink alchohol. There I said it. In a society consumed with the idea of losing control and letting loose, as it were; no one can understand or will except my explination of why I keep myself wound tight; why I refuse to kick one back with them. Am I wrong?

Back on track. I never lose control and I never stop thinking; and because I never stop thinking, I never go to sleep. I lie down in bed in the serenity of silence only to hear the white noise of my mind as it parades through my head. Silience has become my enemy. In silience, I hear the noise of my mind and that is a sound I cannot shut off.

I realize now why Killswitch Engage and Rise Against calm me down. The stressful and fast lash of guitar string to pick siliences the noise in my head and I can shut down. People may look at me strangely as I lay peacefully reclined on an easy chair with death metal screaming in my ear, but they are not me and they don't understand what its like to have thought coursing through the mind at all hours of waking conciousness.

Speaking of other people, there is a distinct lack of empathy or sympathy or understanding on the part of people now-a-days. No one holds the door open; no one drives courteously; no one respects your personal decisions; and above all, no one respects you. Society is in such a rush to cram everything into a single day, that they no longer have time to respect any other motives but their own. Pushing and shoving and cutting in line to see a movie on the first day; Weaving and swerving and driving fast to get to no where in particular. Reminds me of a quote I once heard: A man was on a guided tour of the African safari, and the guide stopped the truck on the edge of a gorgeous view of the valley. The man went about stretching his legs and relieving himself and after a few minutes, he tapped the shoulder of the guide, who was leaning against the hood of the truck, and said "hey, we should be on our way, its getting dark." The guide continued staring at the sunset as it bathed the valley in its dying glow and muttered something about the truck having lights. The man spoke to him again and said, "but we need to make camp." Then the guide, still looking out over the valley, spoke and he said, "You city people are always in a hurry, going here and going there. Sometimes you need to stop and let your soul catch up." As far as I'm concerned, that's the most sage advice I've heard in a long time. I only wish more people would consider the blur they live on a day to day basis.

This was a bitter stream of thought post. And yet, somehow, I always manage to dig through the petty thoughts on top to reach the core issue that is bothering me. And, what's worse, the things that bother me; I can't change.